#paris of troy

[13simmp]

I once read Homeric as homierotic but honestly that didn’t change much

[holymotherofwmps-the-reblogging]

I would have envisioned the color scheme inverted🤔 red Achaeans and blue Trojans (or better, some ochre brown, as Trojan are soldiers, keeping their home safe, while the Achaeans are heroes, being extra).

Also I miss The Tube armor for Hector.

Sounds like I'm complaining but actually I love this a lot and I will hold it dear (I don't know why everyone has such great hair but YES).

My Iliad designs :)

[emmikay]

Paris: Looking back, I have no regrets.

Hector: You should.

[xfilesinamajor]

AGAMEMNON: Hey bro, everything okay? You look like someone pissed in your cheerios.

MENELAUS: No, it's fucking not okay! Helen just ran off with some little man-whore from Troy! She can't do that to me! He can't do that to me! Who do they think they are? I'm a fucking king of Sparta! I'll rip his head off! I'll kill him! I'll kill his whole family!

AGAMEMNON: Whoa, whoa, take a chill pill! Yeah, that fucking sucks. Total bullshit, I hear you. I'd be mad, too. But dude...Troy? That's all the way across the ocean. It's not exactly a day trip.

MENELAUS: I don't care! He deserves to die for taking what is mine!

AGAMEMNON: And say you make the trip, then what? No one's going to let you in if you stand there at the gates screaming about ripping off heads.

MENELAUS: He took my wife! The most beautiful woman in the world!

AGAMEMNON: I know, I know, Helen's crazy hot. But there are lots of gorgeous women in Greece, and you're Menelaus of Fucking Sparta, bro. You've got girls falling all over themselves for you. Take your pick. Shit, take two or three!

MENELAUS: To wife?

AGAMEMNON: To bed, dude! Your wife ran off on you with little pissant? Her loss! This is your chance to go wild! Forget about fucking Helen.

MENELAUS: ...are you drunk?

AGAMEMNON: Oh, totally, for sure. It's this new stuff from Crete, you gotta try it.

MENELAUS: You're not even taking this seriously!

AGAMEMNON: I'm just saying. Would you rather spend the next couple years sailing and fighting and pitching some giant hissy fit, or would you rather stay here and have some fun?

MENELAUS: ....pass me the wine.

And they all lived happily ever after--Menelaus, Agamemnon, Helen, Paris, Achilles, Patroclus, Hector, Andromache, Astyanax, Odysseus, Penelope, Telemachus, Diomedes, Nestor, Ajax, Teucer, Neo, Cassandra, Iphigenia, Eurylochus, Ctimene, Anticlea, Polites, all the citizens of Troy, Odysseus' whole crew, the sirens, all Penelope's would-be suitors, Helios' cow, Polyphemus and his sheep, EVERYONE.

/FIN

[orpheus-has-lyreizz]

AU where paris is just a little less of a dumbass

[holy-mother-of-whumpers]

Exactly!

People should start reading the source material again.

(they aren't half as crushed by misogyny as 'New Feminist Angle's writers make them to be)

Fighting with the means you have, making yourself heard even if you cannot change things will always be more indicative of strength than a depiction of a woman bullied to show how mean the men were.

It's funny how in every adaptation of Helen she is down bad for Paris while in the Illiad she hyping up her husband to beat him

[dionysism]

"if i was paris i'd have picked athena" "i would have picked hera"

you fool. you utter buffoon. it doesn't matter. it never mattered. you sound like the dumbasses who say they wouldn't have turned around if they were orpheus. you, like them, are completely missing the point. the war was always going to happen as a result of who he picked, just perhaps the catalyst would have been different. and does picking a different catalyst really make you any better? lets say you picked hera and her offer of kingdoms. so you doom your nation to ruin for wealth? power? and that, in your mind, is the morally superior choice to dooming it for love? shall we clap and cheer for you? oh wise one so above the fickleness and follies of love! you, unlike paris, would doom your nation for Practical reasons. well, forgive me, but thats incredibly dull and you sound incredibly boring

[deadbaguette]

Dear children of Priam, were you doomed all along?

[astrothii]

the whole trojan war could have been avoided if paris just. ate the apple in one comically large bite. athena, hera, and aphrodite would have been stunned into silence.

[ochiody]

paris in the front btw

[yourlokalescholar]

Oh my god wait. What if the blessings of the gods manifested physically? Like if a god takes an interest in you, EVERYONE is going to see it, for better or worse. And if you lose their favour? Everyone can see that, too

Jason with a peacock tail and feather-crest, both of which go faded and limp when he turns on Medea, so that they drag on the floor and get in the way

Pollux with eagle wings instead of arms, so Castor acts as his hands and that’s why they’re inseparable. When Castor dies and Pollux splits his immortality with him, they each get one arm and one wing, so one can’t fly without the other

Odysseus with a forked tongue and fangs—a subtle feature that he can hide when he needs to. When Athena feels like being helpful (like when she disguises him as a beggar) she’ll cast an illusion over it, but Penelope immediately recognises him by his lisp

When Athena gives Diomedes the blessing of seeing through the gods’ disguises, he also gets owl eyes and the ability to turn his head 180 degrees. This helps when Odysseus tries to stab him in the back on the Palladium heist

HERACLES WITH BULL HORNS. I have nothing to add I just think that sounds sick as hell

Helen grows beautiful golden feathers instead of hair. Nothing useful, just an obvious sign of her heritage that adds to her appeal to the suitors: whoever wins her hand gets to walk around with a physical symbol of Zeus’s favour

Atalanta with antlers that snap when she gets married, leaving jagged shards behind that won’t go blunt and can’t be sharpened down. She can have her husband, but he can’t touch her head without risking badly cutting himself. This can either be one final blessing or a curse depending on how consensual you interpret the marriage

Hector has pristine white raven wings, making him even more terrifying to the Achaeans, flying into battle like divine intervention, and a symbol of hope for the Trojans. Achilles plucks the feathers off his corpse, but they won’t stop growing back. Still, Achilles has a cloak made from them and wears it into battle, turning Troy’s symbol against them

Paris gets dove wings, but he tells everyone they’re too small to fly with because he’s a coward and doesn’t want to have the same responsibilities as Hector. Then he flies away from the duel with Menelaus in front of the entire army, and that’s when Troy finally loses what’s left of their respect for him

[wolfythewitch]

Yet think, a day will come, when fate's decree And angry gods shall wreak this wrong on thee; Phoebus and Paris shall avenge my fate, And stretch thee here before the Scaean gate.

[katkit-drops-alt]

aaaaaaaaaaaa the iliad/odyssey as cat memes aaaaaaaaaaaaa

[maggie44paint]

Uhhh so I made Menelaus/Helen Iliad Swap AU-

Or as I like to call it Malewife Menelaus AU

Basically everything is the same but Paris kidnaps Menelaus instead of Helen and Helen goes to war to get her husband back!

Nobody dies in the end and they all end up in poly relationship

[interretialia]

~~~

Hector: Requiescat in pace. Andromache: Estne mortuus Paris? Hector: Minime, sed aliquantulum spero eum moriturum esse.

Hector: May he rest in peace.

Andromache: Paris died?

Hector: No, but I kind of hope he does.

[meboii27]

achilles n his silly actions